Not Today

I worry if I am sometimes too negative on my blog.

I have been given so much in my short life. I am a very, very fortunate lady. Though I try to take time out to reflect and to live consciously of just how much I have…I fall short. Don’t we all? I try to live a life that isn’t ignorant of or dismissive of all that I have. But it is never enough. I don’t say that dejectedly, I say that honestly.

It will truly never, ever be enough recognition because I have way too much to be thankful for. I don’t live in a picture perfect world, I don’t see life through rose-colored glasses. Sometimes, things just stink. I believe in being honest about the fact that life sometimes sucks. I think that, in these times especially, things have become superfluous and artificial. What matters the most, or should matter the most, has lost its priority in our lives. And what we should be weary of, they seem to have lost their sting, and we have become desensitized. We become complacent in guarding and protecting what we should and then it becomes too late. What matters most can slip away so quickly.

Too many euphemisms, too much obscurity. We don’t know the difference from up or down, or right from left. And then people are crushed when things go awry, because we have been told that if we shoot for the moon, we will land amongst the stars, or something like that. We are taught that with enough self-confidence, we can accomplish and fix anything.But that isn’t true, because this world IS broken.

But, I have hope. I have hope in restoration, and in renewal.

I have hope in eternity.

I have hope in Jesus.

And because I am holding this hope and knowledge, this is why I should live gratefully. I should be living a life filled with joy, love and honor. This is why I, we, should be overjoyed and blissfully happy people. Not because all is hunky dory and easy-going, but because even when things are not, it’s OK, because this isn’t a new concept to us. We knew that it was all hogwash from the beginning. We have hope that things get better, that there has to be something better. We know that there is.

There will always be some problem or issue to pick out in our lives. Some reason to give in to the chaos, the depression, the disorganization, the clutter, the noise…Not today. Today, I will not yield to it. Because I have hope. I have love. Troubles are there, but they are not all that is there or that this fleeting life is composed of. They amount to nothing in the end. Amidst grief, amidst doubt, amidst uncertainty and fear – I have hope. And I have love. And today, that is what rocks my world. Today, that is what I see. From this past week, that is what I see. That is what I acknowledge.

This was my week…

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It was a good week.

Happy weekend, everyone.

Ten Thoughts Tuesday

I have wanted to jump on the bandwagon for this before but have never had the time. And on a day like today, mustering up ten different thoughts will somehow be simultaneously the least that I can do, and yet the hardest. On days like today, when there is really way too much going on and it’s hard to decipher what to share and how to, ya know, form coherent sentences, this concept helps to keep it all in perspective and to get it out there, without all of the fuss. I got the idea from Atlanta Mom of Three. Her blog has a little bit of everything and she is so sweet. Check her out!

 

ttt

 

1. My son has strep throat, but despite this seemed to be in a great mood today. Thank goodness!

2. I really wish that Clara’s canine teeth would pop through already so that she would quit throwing things and screaming when she gets in trouble. Wicked Witch mode engaged!

3. On second thought…her throwing tantrums (and toys) probably isn’t exclusive to her teething. Dang it.

4. I wish that someone would break into my house and…clean. No one ever tries to break in and do that. Whatever.

5. I’m hungry. Hungry. Hungry. Hungry. All the live long day today, I was hungry.

6. The husband is sick now as well. Really hoping that this doesn’t turn into my being the last one standing. Clara better not get sick on me now.

7. My son asked if we lived in a “country” today. Then he was worried that someone would take the rock that he left in the middle of the road and take it to America. If this really happened and people really stole rocks just to take them to America I’m sure the federal government would somehow implement a tax on rocks. In fact, they probably already have.

8. I would really, really like a shower. But now that it is after 9 p.m. I think it is safe to say that I may be to lazy to even get one.

9. I love my son, but he had better stay in his new bed tonight. For the last three days, I have heard nothing except for his feet stomping on the floor as he gets out of his bed at nap time and night time, insisting that he has to use the potty (again) or that he already had a “good nap” and is ready to get up.

10. Cherry Coke really is the best thing ever. Which reminds me…I haven’t gotten to the gym at all this week. Sigh.

Happy Tuesday, folks.

 

Because.

Chaos. After a trip to the grocery store with my two children arguing like UFC fighters all of the way through our visit and using a cart  that is supposedly made for children and mothers but ultimately is more difficult to turn than a loaded sled attached to a team of dogs, I don’t fully understand why I am going to try to tell make sense of any of it for you guys. I don’t really know if this post will have a high note, or an optimistic ending. In fact, if I am being honest, I would say that after spending 40 minutes in the grocery store with my children, who were either teamed up against mommy and singing, “ahhhhh” in unison as we rounded the aisles or spending their time biting and pushing one another, I need a drink. Like, pronto.

Because.

This is what happens when I strap both of my children into the same plastic car stuck (glued? taped? finagled) on the front of a shopping cart. The car with space for sitting in that is less than three feet wide and renders the entire cart darn near unusable. Ya know, that death trap? This is what happens with the world isn’t always mommy-proof. When things aren’t easy to use, but never the less have to be used. When grocery lines are way to long, the 6 foot wide aisles seem narrow enough for little hands to reach out and pull everything INTO the cart. Chaos is what happens when kids are hungry, grocery store lines are long and you realize that you grabbed the wrong thing when you’re in the middle of checking out and shoppers behind you is irritated. They’re all there, buying their Valentine’s Day treats last-minute, wanting you to hurry up because they have flowers and a stuffed teddy bear for someone. Dreamy sighs are what happens when a mother dreams not of chocolates or roses, but of a husband who decides to clean the house for her on Valentine’s Day.** But he will drag himself home from work, just as tired as I am because he worked all day, too,  I want to make it better for when he gets home.

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Soon, I’ll be hurrying through whatever it is I’m going to try to do to make this house presentable to the husband when he gets home. Dinner, treats, the perfect card already picked out. I have visions of a dining room table that isn’t covered in laundry since I’m hoping to make a wonderful dinner for all of us to enjoy. My thoughts wander to that of a hot shower because I haven’t had one since getting back from the gym. I’m lamenting groceries that are dropped in the drive way because the bag breaks…because the grocer piled tons of can into one measly plastic bag. The other night, my daughter learned how to say, “I love you” and this made my heart so happy. A little boy who wets the bed, but still manages to look adorable with his hair that is desperately needing to be cut is a good thing. I will welcome my husband home today, hopefully showered, with dinner hopefully at least almost cooked, a house hopefully cleaned up.

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We will finally get to see one another for Valentine’s Day. We probably won’t get a moment’s peace because I told my son that when he woke up from his nap that he would get that donut I bought for him at the store – before he bit his sister. Underneath of it all, in spite of everything we get to celebrate love tonight with our babies. We get to love because we have been shown love. Love that is real. Love that is sometimes everyday. But a love that is lasting. We do these things because we love one another. We do them in spite of the many reasons not to. Rob and I will get to see the fruits of our love, sitting around the (hopefully clean) dinner table to enjoy a meal with us. And we will pass out tonight, shortly after finishing the pillow talk after getting into bed. Because, that’s just how it goes. This is just how it is. Because.

On a side note, I really do want to wish Rob a very happy Valentine’s Day. Eight years ago, I finally asked him if he was my other half on the night before Valentine’ Day. And I know that love that is true and meaningful is a rare commodity in this world. So having a Valentine is just one of those blessings that I get to enjoy. You’re still my Valentine, Rob. And if I weren’t so stinking tired, I would build you a cake and stuff. 

I love you! 

Jerry and Clara – I am so glad that I have you both to love. And it’s even better knowing that for the most part, save for when I turn off the cartoons, that you love me back. You two are the best things I ever did. I love you, littles.