Because.

Chaos. After a trip to the grocery store with my two children arguing like UFC fighters all of the way through our visit and using a cart  that is supposedly made for children and mothers but ultimately is more difficult to turn than a loaded sled attached to a team of dogs, I don’t fully understand why I am going to try to tell make sense of any of it for you guys. I don’t really know if this post will have a high note, or an optimistic ending. In fact, if I am being honest, I would say that after spending 40 minutes in the grocery store with my children, who were either teamed up against mommy and singing, “ahhhhh” in unison as we rounded the aisles or spending their time biting and pushing one another, I need a drink. Like, pronto.

Because.

This is what happens when I strap both of my children into the same plastic car stuck (glued? taped? finagled) on the front of a shopping cart. The car with space for sitting in that is less than three feet wide and renders the entire cart darn near unusable. Ya know, that death trap? This is what happens with the world isn’t always mommy-proof. When things aren’t easy to use, but never the less have to be used. When grocery lines are way to long, the 6 foot wide aisles seem narrow enough for little hands to reach out and pull everything INTO the cart. Chaos is what happens when kids are hungry, grocery store lines are long and you realize that you grabbed the wrong thing when you’re in the middle of checking out and shoppers behind you is irritated. They’re all there, buying their Valentine’s Day treats last-minute, wanting you to hurry up because they have flowers and a stuffed teddy bear for someone. Dreamy sighs are what happens when a mother dreams not of chocolates or roses, but of a husband who decides to clean the house for her on Valentine’s Day.** But he will drag himself home from work, just as tired as I am because he worked all day, too,  I want to make it better for when he gets home.

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Soon, I’ll be hurrying through whatever it is I’m going to try to do to make this house presentable to the husband when he gets home. Dinner, treats, the perfect card already picked out. I have visions of a dining room table that isn’t covered in laundry since I’m hoping to make a wonderful dinner for all of us to enjoy. My thoughts wander to that of a hot shower because I haven’t had one since getting back from the gym. I’m lamenting groceries that are dropped in the drive way because the bag breaks…because the grocer piled tons of can into one measly plastic bag. The other night, my daughter learned how to say, “I love you” and this made my heart so happy. A little boy who wets the bed, but still manages to look adorable with his hair that is desperately needing to be cut is a good thing. I will welcome my husband home today, hopefully showered, with dinner hopefully at least almost cooked, a house hopefully cleaned up.

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We will finally get to see one another for Valentine’s Day. We probably won’t get a moment’s peace because I told my son that when he woke up from his nap that he would get that donut I bought for him at the store – before he bit his sister. Underneath of it all, in spite of everything we get to celebrate love tonight with our babies. We get to love because we have been shown love. Love that is real. Love that is sometimes everyday. But a love that is lasting. We do these things because we love one another. We do them in spite of the many reasons not to. Rob and I will get to see the fruits of our love, sitting around the (hopefully clean) dinner table to enjoy a meal with us. And we will pass out tonight, shortly after finishing the pillow talk after getting into bed. Because, that’s just how it goes. This is just how it is. Because.

On a side note, I really do want to wish Rob a very happy Valentine’s Day. Eight years ago, I finally asked him if he was my other half on the night before Valentine’ Day. And I know that love that is true and meaningful is a rare commodity in this world. So having a Valentine is just one of those blessings that I get to enjoy. You’re still my Valentine, Rob. And if I weren’t so stinking tired, I would build you a cake and stuff. 

I love you! 

Jerry and Clara – I am so glad that I have you both to love. And it’s even better knowing that for the most part, save for when I turn off the cartoons, that you love me back. You two are the best things I ever did. I love you, littles. 

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