Frequently Asked Questions

“How did THAT happen?”

 

That is probably my favorite question as of late. That is, if the definition of “favorite” is equatable to “phrase most often used.”

I love checking out websites built just for moms to see what other moms have to say on just about anything. They provide a wonderful community for parents everywhere. They usually feature thoughtful bloggers who share a wealth of personal research and experience on  just about any parenting related issue that you can imagine. I may not always agree, but sometimes, I find a gem of an article or blog post that rocks my socks.

While it’s good to have a mound of research at your fingertips, the things that I sometimes want to sit down and Google an answer for are things that probably don’t even have an answer to begin with. Questions like….

How did you get Go-Gurt all down the front of yourself and all over your seat belt?

How did your sister just happen to magically get knocked over into the wall?

How did this house implode again in record time after I just cleaned the heck out of it last night??

Why did you just run your sticky with spaghetti hands through your hair again, daughter?

How do we get children to remember that we don’t unlock and open the bathroom stall door just as mommy is pulling down her pants? 

How can we get children to refrain from arguing about whether or not that is an airplane or a jet flying overhead in the sky?

How can we get children to remember that we don’t just dump water over the side of the tub for the heck of it?

Why does my daughter insist on running around naked after dinner? (That one is kind of cute, though.)

Those are the parenting FAQ’s that I personally think should be addressed. Sure, it’s important to know about fevers in infants, disciplining methods, or when to wean. Yes, all well and good. But, the questions that I have all relate to how to NOT go crazy when your children are arguing over one single marker when there is an entire pack of 24 of right. next. to them. And it’s never even over a good color. It’s usually brown or something. Phffft.

Can we hold that parenting summit and give parents a chance to air some of their other grievances? A parenting U.N. maybe?

Yes, hi, my name is Ashley. And I understand the benefits of setting boundaries for my children and teaching them to look both ways when they cross the street. But, I have some other questions that I’d really like some direction on.

How come I sometimes have to do dishes three times in just one day? Do dishes grow and reproduce overnight in the sink? Who makes these mystical dishes and can these dishes that magically germinate overnight be marked somehow like GMO’s so we know what we’re getting at the time of purchase?

Or, why is it that no matter how many packs of socks I buy, I have such an incredibly hard time almost every day finding even a single pair that matches for either one of my children? Just where do socks GO when they aren’t being worn? And what to do you do when the husband and you haven’t had a date night, much less an uninterrupted conversation about your mortgage payment, in weeks and all you want to see is the inside of anywhere, even an Applebee’s? 

Those are the questions that we need some serious scientific research for. We have established the benefits and risks of an epidural during child-birth. We have ventured into the territory of breastfeeding vs bottle-feeding. We have figured out that you can somehow power a clock with a potato. We have put men on the moon. Can somebody please tell me how to get your children to put their toys away? 

If there even is an answer to such mysteries, somewhere out there in the universe….I probably wouldn’t want them. I don’t want to know why my son is in a stage where you he needs to put his mouth on everything. Hand rail at the YMCA? Check. Side of the sink at the dentist’s office? Check. Back of the dining room chair? Check.

We can take comfort that such things are normally stages. They do typically grow out of running around the dining room table naked and dumping their dinner on their head. That and the fact that they’re adorable, so it’s all excusable at the end of the day.

 

Share your favorite “How did THAT happen???” below if you so wish. Or any of your other great parenting mysteries. AND, click “follow” in the toolbar on the right to get my new posts in your WordPress Reader or email inbox!