Weekly Wrap Up 8/23/2012

It’s been quite a week.

“I need a break.”

That was the one thought running through my mind over and over this week. That was the one thing that has escaped my tired lips the most during the past few days. All I could think about Wednesday morning as I hurried around the house, trying to find my gym sneaker (yes, just one shoe) was that I was shot, and I needed a break. I was overwhelmed with all of the things that I saw.

Dirty clothes piled high in the hallway.

A diaper pail full to the brim with diapers.

Toys piled on top of one another.

Toys in my kitchen.

Toys pretty much everywhere.

A bathroom floor covered in towels.

Dishes spilling out of the sink.

Two children, screaming and throwing a tantrum, wanting to be held, answered, talked to, fed and played with.

So what did I do? You mean what would any resourceful, responsible, mature, loving and reasonable young mother do?

I cried. Boy, did I cry.

My attitude lately hasn’t been the healthiest one. I’ve allowed myself to reach a place where the tiniest things set me off. Little things that inconvenience and irritate me. You may think that it would be perfectly reasonable to be upset over silly little things like this, but when you’re a mother with two children pitter pattering around you all day, most of what you will have to be frustrated over are little things. Stepping on toys, a dirty dining room table, bathwater on the floor. Little things that don’t amount to a hill of beans in the grand scheme of things, little things that can drive a mom up a wall.

This week I have wondered, where do they stop and where does Ashley begin? I can’t sneak off to the bathroom by myself for a moment, let alone enjoy a cup of coffee uninterrupted. Unless, of course, there is Mickey Mouse on the television. Then I’m good for about 20 minutes, if that. Not just that, but most of what I think about are them.

Is this you, too?

Do you know where your children’s shoes are, but couldn’t say off of the top of your head where your own shoes are??

Do you brush their hair every morning like clockwork, but forget to brush your’s before you leave the house?

Do you realize at 3 p.m. after they are fed and down for their naps that you haven’t had lunch yet?

Do you get them ready and out the door and realize getting into the car that you still have a bath towel on your head? (I have done this before.)

Does your “down-time” consist of sitting on the sofa and folding laundry or of picking up toys in that corner of the living room?

Do they get a bath everyday, but you have to carve out and fight for the time to get a 10 minute shower?

Does everyone else have clean underwear but you?

;

Cute? Yes! Knows that you do loads of laundry every week? Nope.

Is this you, mom? Do you feel right now like you’re trying to stay afloat. You are in the midst of a sea of dirty diapers, toys, little shoes, laundry, dishes, temper tantrums, cartoon reruns and you feel like you’re engulfed? How do you stay afloat when all that they want is you, just you. 24/7?

The answer I have for you is…I don’t know.

Does anyone notice that the dishes are done and that they have a clean cereal bowl to eat from in the morning? I’m not sure.

Does anyone notice that they always have clean socks in their top drawer? No.

Does anyone notice that the library books are returned on time? Nope.

Does anyone notice that mommy sneaks away for 2 minutes to the bathroom? You bet your you-know-what that they will.

;

Definitely didn’t need all of that Chapstick. Sorry, town of Easton. No Blistex for you.

We celebrate landing on Mars, not grocery shopping. We celebrate gold medals, not games of peek-a-boo. We celebrate movie stars, not moms in motion. But here is the truth: no one gets here (or there or even Mars) without mom. Moms are a necessity. Moms are made of sweat, blood, tears, laughs and hand-holdings. I don’t have the answer on how to never let yourself get frustrated. I don’t know how to avoid the days where you won’t want to get out of bed. I don’t know how to always keep my cool. But I do know that the more that I embrace where I am, where I am content with my lot and where I let myself be a mother, it is there that I am the most joyful.

When I mother intentionally, when I parent without abandon and try to not worry as much about the other stuff, that is when I flourish. When I welcome those hurried footsteps that seek me out in the bathroom. When I am glad that there are toys all over my kitchen because my children follow me all day. When I can be happy with myself for having put away laundry and washed dishes. If I can rest there, in the things that I can do, then I’ll be doing OK.

Don’t beat yourself up if it doesn’t get done. Don’t be worried if your hair isn’t brushed. Do try to get a shower if you can, if only because it makes you feel better. But don’t be concerned with the “how will I get all of this done” stuff. In 20 years, no one will know that on Friday, August 23rd in 2012 you didn’t do the dishes. They won’t know that next Tuesday you won’t fold the laundry. They will never know that you forgot milk at the grocery store last week. In 20 years, if your children are grown, flourishing, loving God and loving others, that is what people will take notice of. In fact, well behaved and joyful children even at the supermarket is what brings a smile to people’s faces. Your children may not rise up and call you blessed now, but speaking as someone who looks back now on the things that her mother did then, I can say that I have a heart of gratitude to her for all that she did years ago.

I pray that you find time to rest this weekend. And I pray that you find the time to enjoy your babies this weekend. I pray you also get some time to be yourself.

Happy Friday!

Being a Mom Is Hard

Some days, you’re that mom. That seemingly peaceful, put together and patient mother. Your children act like they have some sense and you seem calm, cool and collected. Nothing gets broken in the store. No one screams and no one spills juice down the front of you. Smiles, smiles everywhere.

Some days, you’re THAT mom. You look a mess while your children are running circles around you. There are screams, tears and little bodies flinging themselves on the floor out of protest of your rules. Your lunch is dumped on the floor while you are trying to enjoy it, let alone consume it. And of course, all eyes are upon you and just how you’re going to handle your child that is standing in their chair, yelling at the top of their lungs.

Today, folks, I was THAT mom. Today… it was hard. Today, I didn’t want to do it. I didn’t “want to be a mom.” I wanted to be the woman at the gym who gets to walk in by herself, without hauling a huge diaper bag filled to the brim with diapers, toys and puffs. I wanted to walk silently into the gym and work out, then glide back out the door with free arms that didn’t have to hold little hands. I wanted to get lunch and enjoy my chicken salad sandwich and coleslaw (yum) and eat in silent contentment. I wanted to listen to what I wanted to listen to on the radio without being asked to change it ten times. I wanted a quiet car ride, without a little one bugging me in the back about going to the park. I wanted to be able to pull out my car keys without having to fumble around with an infant in my arms while digging through my overly full diaper bag, desperately trying to find keys and keep my toddler from running into the road.

Thus is the life of the mom. No vacations or personal days. We don’t get days off. Not at least without massive coordinating and planning. Or without committing a misdemeanor and getting thrown into the clink for a night. Hey, three hots and a cot! Tell me you didn’t momentarily contemplate that, moms. Tell me that doesn’t sound somewhat good to you. I so badly wanted to get on here today and show you pictures from my Friday with my Littles, the Littles that I love. Instead of running smoothly, today went more like this….

Oh, my…

Sorry for the bad quality – you can tell she really wasn’t up for picture-taking, right? My day was…awful. It has been just plain awful. I prayed this morning. I woke up early, trying to greet my littles with the glory and bounty of a new, sunny day. I thought today would be OK. It just wasn’t. Do you ever have days when you’re at work and nothing goes right? Maybe you make a mistake, forget to do something or you have a nasty customer or co-worker to contend with. Well, my co-workers weren’t the most helpful today. Or would they be….customers? I don’t know.

As I was crying and relaying to my almost 3-year-old in the car today how disappointed I was with how he was acting (think I’m a wimp because I cried? Don’t worry, he made me cry twice today) it hit me: Motherhood is hard. I thought I had this figured out when I was expecting. During the dwindling days of my pregnancy, as my feet were swollen, my blood pressure was high and I couldn’t sleep worth anything I knew that it was going to be a hard journey because of how much it takes out of you physically even before they are here. Then I thought I had really figured it all out during my son’s birth. It was physically the hardest thing I have ever gone through, just to bring him into the world. I thought that was hard then. And now…the goal posts keep being moved back, and I’m sure it will always be that way, because I keep coming to new points where I understand all over again just how hard this all is.

Today, I was that mom. I was that mom that just wanted peace and quiet. Joy and laughter weren’t anywhere (at least that I could see) around me and my Littles today. I was that mom who found no encouragement in anything. I was that mom who just wanted reassurance that she was doing right by someone. Her children, God…by someone. I wanted to know that I wasn’t failing as a mom. Do you remember my post from yesterday? How each moment is a chance to find joy and learn to love better and be more patient? How much pressure that can sometimes put on us, especially as moms?? The beautiful thing is that though it is daunting because we need to sometimes be aware moment to moment, minute to minute and hour to hour…these things in turn go by so quickly. I’m home. My (admittedly rotten) children are asleep. There is silence. There is peace. For now.

These days are fleeting. I know that they are. Both of my Littles have birthdays in the next two weeks. I was considering today how I’m inching closer and closer to the days when Jerry will be in school and it will just be Clara and I at home. How these days pass. How those moments pass. Though not seemingly so at the time, very quickly.

Summer wind…

Today I was that mom that just wanted to get through it all and have it all be OK. Though our total days are amassed out of these moments, a few unpleasant, daunting and difficult moments do not a failure make. My children are happy. They are loved. Can you say the same about your’s? If so, take a moment and breathe. You’re doing your job, you’re pursuing your calling. It is hard. And there will be days like this. Maybe many. But in the big picture, they won’t seem like so many. Breathe, and try to get through it.

How does this apply to you if you don’t have Littles yet?

Go home, and hug your mother. If you see a mother desperately trying to cling to her children (and her sanity) as she fumbles with the diaper bag and the door at Chick Fil A, tell her you have it and open it for her. Don’t sneer at the mom in Target whose child has other ideas about a seemingly peaceful shopping trip. Smile at her. And if you’re so bold, tell her it’s OK. That she is doing a good job. And if you think that is crazy, consider the fact that someone did that for you. Someone hauled you all around town and dealt with your tantrums. Someone potty trained you and let you throw up on them. Someone tried to plan and make good summer days with you. Someone loves you. Someone did it for you. And maybe someday, you will get to do it for someone else. I hope that you do.

I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Except for maybe today…I would have traded it for sushi and a plane ticket.

Happy Friday, folks.

It’s the Little Things

Today was the day. Today was the day that I was sure I was going to pull my hair out. I’ve had days in the past where I have considered it. My conclusion being that maybe, just maybe, the searing pain would be a great distraction from the chaos around me. Today, I really thought I just might do it.

It’s the little things sometimes, isn’t it? Have you ever heard that expression? You most likely have. Typically, it speaks of the joy you find when the tiny things line up for you just right. Today, it was kind of the opposite for me. It was the tiny things that were driving me CRAZY.

It was my toddler who for the life of him, and all that is good, just couldn’t stop arguing with anything and everything today. And it was also my toddler running upstairs and waking up my 1 year old from her nap (WHY?) It was my 1 year old who fought and resisted eating the food I knew she wanted and knew she would whine for later. It was ruining the tuna I made for lunch by putting in too much mayonnaise. It was trying to pack up mine and the children’s lunches to make it out the door, but every bag I found to pack it in had a hole in it. It was that I needed to make 5 (or 6 or 7) trips between the car and the house trying to remember and collect everything I needed to spend only 2 hours out of the house.

It is the little things, the “nothings” that sometimes drive me nuts. Dropping my lunch on the floor. Spilling my drink. Stubbing my toe. Dogs that bark and startle me. It’s picking up the same magnets time and time again that ALWAYS fall off of the fridge when I close it. The bananas that are now stinky and somewhat mushy in my fruit bowl. The conversation I was TRYING to have on the phone with a friend earlier when my children decided to have yelling fits. It’s also because those rotten children stopped yelling, literally, the moment I gave up and hung up from my phone call. Those are the kinds of things that cause me to loose my patience far quicker than almost anything. Sometimes, when there is something (or someone) tangible to be angry with and to direct my frustration or attention to I do better. It’s when there isn’t anyone to be angry or annoyed with that I don’t know what to do with myself. That I sometimes even loose perspective. I will let the fly that is buzzing around the kitchen get to me so quickly.

I don’t want to be this way. Not at all. To get so caught up in myself. To listen to myself, instead of talking to myself. I long for steadiness, goodness and patience. I’M WORKING ON IT, FOLKS.

I will say though, that there were a few things to stood out to me today. Little things.

Remembering to wash my husband’s work shirts for tomorrow (and how tickled he will be that I did.) Seeing that the sandbox didn’t get covered last night, and taking note that even with all of the looming clouds in the sky and that it was spitting rain this morning, it thankfully didn’t rain. Having a son that is getting better at saying “I love you” back to me. Banana pudding. Banana pudding with vanilla wafers. Everybody Loves Raymond while two babies sleep soundly. The thought that I, too, may have a few minutes to grab a nap myself.

Or these…

These guys…

Happy babies

Sweet boy

Best girl

Sometimes, it isn’t the big stuff that breaks us. It can be the weeds that we let grow up and choke us. And they will grow up so fast if we aren’t careful. Pruning and cleaning is a daily task. Much like sanctification and refinement. It is daily, even momentary, whether we realize it or not. Every moment is a chance to be resolved or defeated. No pressure, right? Perfect patience sounds great, eh? Like I said, I’m working on it. I want that perfect patience for my own. I want to be a mother who pours out patience and love to and for her children. That is my goal. To honor God with what I say, think and feel. And through that bless my family and those around me. We can’t forget that minister to our family and those we know and love as much as we minister to strangers. In fact, in my case, I see my family way more often than I see strangers. They are who will be on the receiving end of all that I project the vast majority of the time.

Yea…no pressure.

Like I said, I’M WORKING ON IT.

1 Timothy 1:16

But I received mercy for this reason, that in me, as the foremost,

Jesus Christ might display his perfect patience

as an example to those who were to believe in him for eternal life.