5 Things I Fantasize About

Wait…you didn’t think that this would be one of THOSE posts, did you?

1.) Throwing things away

Yes, that’s right.

I walk around my old house and marvel at it. I really do love it. It’s ornate pine floors, the character laden trim work in every room. And yet, there are days where the sunlight from the morning streams in through my kitchen windows and lands on my recently painted walls, and I sigh and think to myself… I wish I could just throw stuff away. 

Like, lots of stuff. About 65% of my house’s contents, to be exact.

Books. Children’s toys. Appliances. Trinkets from who knows where. Don’t even get me started on the copious amounts of paperwork from my child’s school and the numerous art projects that he starts and then finishes about 95% of the way.

Because this is the life that I lead.

Because there are things that I trip over on the way to the bathroom in the middle of the night. Because I don’t understand where all of this clutter comes from.

What I wouldn’t give to empty my house out onto the lawn and start anew sometimes. If only the neighbors wouldn’t think I was weird. Just kidding, they probably already do.

2.) Uninterrupted coffee

It used to be all of the things that younger people aspire to do for themselves after a long week at work. A cute dress. A night out on the town, listening to live music. Or staying up until all hours of the night watching sitcom reruns with a bowl of popcorn. Or a pedicure on a Saturday morning.


Please. 20 minutes with just me and my coffee cup before the phone rings, the baby wakes up, right after I get the oldest off to school. That’s all I ask for.

3.) That people would show up and take my children

Okay, before you think I’m terrible, please know that I mean people I KNOW and TRUST. 

It’s the equivalent to the girl in the ivory tower, rescued by her loving prince.

I’m standing in front of my sink. My heart has sunk to the bottom along with the rest of the dirty dishes. Suds in my hair, eyes listlessly staring out the back window. When, HARK! Tis a friend, with a cup of coffee in her hand.

“What friend art thou, thus bescreened in the morn so stumblest on my counsel??”

She is beseeching me to put the kids into her car so that she can take them away for seven hours straight. 

Be still my tiny heart.

4.) Being skinny

I do not body shame. You can be beautiful and healthy at any size.

But darned if I don’t harken back to the days where I didn’t need to try on clothes before I spent money on them \ would automatically fit me because I was a size 4.

Because you really don’t have much trouble finding clothes when you are a thin size 4. 

Because when I was younger I could drink soft drinks like water and exist off of Little Debbie and french fries and be none the wiser. Because because because.

5.) If I designed/came up with stuff. 

There would be changing tables in the (clean) men’s bathrooms. Then it wouldn’t usually be my meal that was interrupted with requests to use the bathroom.

That all of the cereal at the grocery store would come in plain boxes. This way my children wouldn’t know which cereal was Lucky Charms and which was Cheerio’s. 

There would be child care at any store that moms could freely use. Certified, trained, background checked childcare that a mom could use so that she could browse the aisles at Target and know that her little bundle of love is taken care instead of wheeling them around the store while they empty the cart. 

Moms would get interns. It could be local high schoolers who are enrolled in Home Economics classes or early childhood development majors at the local colleges. “You kids want to learn how children function and develop? You really can’t unless you listen to the same knock knock jokes, make the same peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and clean up the same messes as I do day in and day out. But the love and hugs and cuddles are still mine.”

 See where I’m going with all of this?



Time to snap out of it.


6 thoughts on “5 Things I Fantasize About

  1. maggiemaysgifts says:

    I mean, I was thinking “exactly!” at everything you listed! I can’t even pick my favorite because I fantasize about them all. One question, though….can those interns just clean all day? 🙂


  2. Debi (thatdebi) says:

    Oh my gosh it’s like you jumped in my mind posting this! I fantasize about throwing stuff away ALL THE TIME. We have a room (“the office”) which basically just holds stuff. And sometimes I think “if the house caught fire, all of this would be gone.”

    Being skinny. Like, I think if I woke up skinny one day. Too bad I love food so much.

    And I ALWAYS fantasize about coming up with “the next big thing.” But every time I have an idea, I realize someone’s already doing it!


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