Or at least, why I’m tired. The post that practically writes itself.
8:48 – After more daring and physically taxing feats than a Cirque De Soleil show, the kids are finally in bed. Sit down on sofa.
9:03 – Middle child is crying. Climb Stairs to find out why. Must go and fetch her water.
9:10- Finally sit down on sofa. No, for reals this time.
9:12- Decide to watch an episode of Game of Thrones with spouse. But just one.
10:15- Finish first episode. Had to pause it numerous times to either feed the baby or to listen to see if the other kids were crying.
10:17 – Put baby to bed.
10:21- Fish out piece of leftover chocolate cheesecake from the back of the fridge. Eat it directly out of the carry out container.
10:25- Decide to watch one more Game of Thrones. Just one more. Then you both need to hurry off to bed.
11:28- Stayed up too late watching Game of Thrones. Must. Get. In. Bed.
11:30- Let dogs out, turn down heat, start dryer, check on children…
11:36- In bed. Goodnight.
11:55 – Can’t sleep because of the noise from the dryer.
12:13- Finally start to doze off. Dryer static be darned.
12:30 – Wake up to strange noises from downstairs.
12:31- Catch dog eating and shredding a dirty diaper. Dog is also the same dog who pulled your chocolate bar off of a shelf earlier and ate it.
12:31:39 seconds – Try to murder dog.
12:32- Dog is too fast to catch. Decide to murder dog later. Clean up mess.
12:35- Back in bed.
12:35- Realize that you forgot to turn the dryer off while you were downstairs. Too lazy to get up again and turn it off.
12:49- Finally start to fall asleep. For reals this time.
12:50- You are asleep. You immediately start snoring and drooling.
3:07 – Oldest child comes in and gets in bed with you. Too tired to resist. You pass out again immediately.
3:46- Oldest child wakes you up. Again. This time to tell you that they are too hot.
4:10 – You hear the baby start to stir. You hurry to the bathroom before you are trapped with a baby pressing on your full bladder for the next 30 minutes.
4:11- While using the bathroom, you think maybe your house is haunted because what sound like disembodied voices and sounds. This is all deduced by way of your foggy brain.
4:12 – You keep hearing the noises and seriously begin to wonder if an exorcism is needed.
4:13 – You discover that it’s your sons Wild Kratts computer game, set in the Australian outback.
4:14- You try to turn off the computer game. Instead you are blinded by the monitor.
4:17 – Get older child back in bed.
4:18- Baby starts to shriek.
4:19- Feed baby.
4:31- Change baby.
4:35- Swaddle baby.
4:37- Hungry. You’re flipping hungry.
4:38- Ignore hunger and roll over. Too lazy to grab a snack from downstairs. Just want sleep. For reals this time.
6:15- Husband wakes up for work and has to shower and put on pants. It’s important because there are pants involved.
7:54 – Oldest child comes in to wake you for the day.
8:13- Dump coffee directly on to face and soul.
Don’t worry. You’ll get back in bed 15 hours from now.