Oh, right, it’s Monday

In honor of Monday (just why should Friday get all of the glory, anyway??) here is a new post for all of you that is worthy of the label “Monday.” 

If posts about how children can sometimes be annoying attention stealing little worms offends your genteel parenting sensibilities, I suggest that you look away now. 

I love my children. I love almost all children. I have written of that fact numerous times on the old blog. But today??? Eeegats! My kids sometimes have the uncanny ability to drive me up. the. wall. 

Any parent can attest to this with their own children. And for every awful parenting hurdle and story that any mom and dad has, there is always a parent out there with a far worse tale to tell.

I know that I have it good. Most all parents know that so long as our beautiful children are healthy and happy, we have more than we could have ever asked for.

That doesn’t mean that they don’t on occasion make our eyes twitch and require us to self-medicate with multiple cups of coffee early in the morning. Am I right, moms and dads?

Here are five ways that our kids can drive us nuts:

1.) They. Know. 

Trying to squeeze in an extra thirty minutes to yourself on a quieter than usual afternoon? Trying to be somewhere on time? Trying especially hard to conceal something (like that box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch up in your cereal cubbard)? Trying to go to the bathroom for three and a half minutes by yourself?

Are you trying to accomplish ANYTHING with as little resistance or interference from your children as humanly possible?

Guess what? THEY. KNOW.

This afternoon I had timed it so that I could have roughly 90 minutes to myself if I could get my youngest down for her nap just a skoosh early. I could be off duty until her brother got home from school. It would be glorious.

Note the word “could.” If I COULD get her down for her nap early. If she didn’t take her time…chewing…each….bite of her lunch. I had to stand over her and do my best mom voice and mom stare while trying to make her eat muy rapido. 

I am 99% sure that she knew in the back of her perfect little mind that mommy was trying to do something for herself. Her default settings then kicked in and she was therefore programmed to resist as best she could. Our sweet babies – they just know.

They know the mornings that you need to shower since it’s been, like, three days since you last had one are the ones that they should fight like cats and dogs with one another or be particularly needy. Or they know that when your coffee pot has just finished brewing and you were about to sit down with a fresh cup of coffee to enjoy they should bump their head on the side table. They just know. I don’t know how they do it, but they do. 

Why can’t they know useful things. Like the winning numbers for the lotto? Or who let the dogs out?

Making his own fireworks

2.) Dodge and Deflect

Say the words, “bed time!!!” to your children and let the crisis unfold.

They need something to eat. They need a snack. Not crackers, they want string cheese. They need a drink because they had a snack. They can’t find that one special toy. They forgot how to close their eyes. It hurts them to close their eyes. They wanted to wear Ninja Turtle pajamas, not Angry Birds. They need another drink. They want to ask you questions about that one time that you visited the zoo early this year. They need to poop. They should probably have another snack. They are too tired to close their eyes. They don’t want to lay alone in their bed. 

You finally lay them down….

…only to hear little feet coming back down the stairs. They forgot to tell you something. They tell you. Now you need to walk back up with them so that they don’t have to walk in the spooky dark hallway by themselves and tuck them back in bed.

Repeat 32 billion times. 

Doing WORK!

3.) Only you

There can only be one Highlander? Phffft, whatever. Know who there can only be one of? Mom. 

Only mom can…

Wipe their bottom. Tuck them into bed. Read them a story. Feed them. Find their missing toy. Snuggle them. Feed them again. Put their shoes on. Comfort them when they stub their toes. Walk out to the van in the middle of the night to find their tiny stuffed baby cheetah. 

Only mom. Even though dad is, like, literally right over there. 

4.) What do you have?

Did you just make yourself a big plate of lunch that you were hoping to sit down in peace to enjoy? Thinking about turning on the television to watch anything other than Spongebob or Little Einsteins? Tried breaking out the iPad for just a few leisurely minutes with your best friend Pinterest? 

You should know better. 

The second that my television goes on, my children are wondering what I’m watching, why we can’t watch something else, if Paw Patrol is on and if they can watch the one about the Paw Patrol saving so-and-so. Or, when it comes to my lunch, I may have a big bowl of ramen noodles, (I can’t even have food that costs 20 cents a pack and enjoy it in peace) and there will suddenly be several extra heads peeking down into the bowl wondering what I’m eating, if it’s hot and if they can try some.

Try really hard not to laugh at me when I tell you about the times that I have tried to sneak Rolo’s or some other delectable treat into the same car as my children after a trip to the grocery store thinking it would work. They can note the sound of tinfoil being unwrapped from 3 miles away. 

If you have it or are doing it, chances are they’re going to want it or they’re going to want to participate in it with you. This is endearing for making cookies in the kitchen. Not always for when you’re trying to finally eat your breakfast at almost lunch time. 

IMG_3991

5.) They grow up. 

I know, I know. I went into this half-hearted. I can’t really leave off a post like this on a negative or cynical tone. The truth is that this really is one way that my babies drive me nuts. For all of the previously mentioned things that they do, for as insane as they can make us, the sad truth is that…we’d miss them if they weren’t here to do them. We are now accustomed to feeling like a possum and having small beings hanging off of us. We are used to being woken in the middle of the night because of bad dreams.

I am, however, not used to the fact that my son can now swing himself on the swing set. Or that my daughter is starting to be able to dress and undress herself. It comes so quickly, and you don’t always realize it until it’s upon you. They slowly need and seek you out less and less. And it’s mind-boggling. 

So, for all of their mischievous and rotten ways, they’re ours. And they don’t stay this way for nearly long enough. 

Can I get an amen?

There, I did it. I hope you’re all happy.

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23 thoughts on “Oh, right, it’s Monday

  1. max says:

    That. Cracked. Me. Up!!! I remember all too well trying to sneak one small piece of chocolate, my son coming in closer, sniffing , like food police ,” what do I smell” he asked. Me, closed mouth, trying not to let the smell of unshared chocolate escape!
    Or , can I just use the bathroom for 2 minutes without six hands…six hands!!! reaching under the door!?!?
    And now…I cry after we part sometimes. They are grown men and women. I miss those soft, sweet, faces that needed me more than anything on earth…sigh..

    Liked by 1 person

    • ashleylecompte says:

      Oh my gosh, I KNOW!!! If I have ANYTHING in my mouth, my children are wondering what I’m eating and even want me to open my mouth so that they can see. They’re out of their minds!!

      And yet, if they weren’t here, I’d be so bored and so empty.

      And I think that they still need you lots and lots, momma. Just in new and different ways. I’m almost 30 and still have no shame in calling my mom or mom in law for advice or help or whatever. Kids always need their moms. Now, here is hoping that they don’t stick their hands under the bathroom door at this point!!! xoxo

      Like

  2. Alana says:

    Yes!!!!! to all of this! Lol. Oh my goodness, I fist pumped at #1. My life has gotten much busier over the past week, and though I love snuggling, and spending time with my kids, at bed time, I would love it if Papa would suffice at bedtime… GREAT post!!!!

    Like

    • ashleylecompte says:

      Thank you!! I am usually done by bed time. I’m just ready for space and for quiet and they, of course, can’t seem to want to let go. My husband is SOOOO helpful and good with them at bed time, he likes that chance at the end of the day to enjoy them. But they still. want. mom. They still want me to come upstairs and kiss them and say goodnight to them, which normally turns into requests for snuggles in the rocking chair or to them wanting to have long conversations. I love them so much, I want to end the day on a good note, but oh my goodness, can’t you guys just go to sleep??? Haha!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Jennifer C. says:

    This definitely made me laugh! My son does a lot of the same things you describe in this post! The bathroom, it’s always “Mom, CAN I COME WITH YOU?!”
    The ramen, “IS IT HOT, CAN I HAVE SOME? CAN YOU BLOW IT OFF? IT HURTS MY TONGUE!”

    Hahah, I think that kids really DO know. 😛

    Like

    • ashleylecompte says:

      Moms just have the best stuff!! I think I remember getting into my mother’s things, too. She was my favorite person, so naturally, I wanted to see all of the stuff that she had. That includes trying on one of her garter belts when I was like 5 or 6. My poor mother. And I know what you mean, they’re way too cute to be annoyed at for too long.

      Like

    • ashleylecompte says:

      I have no idea, but it goes somewhere and it goes somewhere way too quickly. Trying to soak up these days where they drive me nuts. Then again, they’ll probably always drive me nuts in SOME way. 🙂 Thanks for commenting.

      Like

  4. mamabyfire says:

    Haha-all so very true! My husband is right next to me, kids have been stuck with me all day, but they still just want mama. Well mama needs a breather! But I know that all too soon, they won’t want me anymore. So I will enjoy it while it lasts. Great post!

    Like

  5. momocular says:

    I love this. Can relate to all of it.
    #4 reminded me clearly of the time I started eating a candy bar in the car when my older son was maybe 17 months old. A little voice from the back seat piped up hopefully: “I some? I some?” And thus my habit of eating on the sly was ushered in. (Not that they can’t still circumvent my attempts at slyness . . .)
    Looking forward to reading more!

    Like

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