Today was my birthday. I turned 29.
No, really, it’s okay. I’m actually not as worried about it as I thought I was going to be.
You might want to check back in with me next year, when I hit the big 3-0 (gasp.) But for now, I really am okay with entering the last full year of my 20’s.
I want to try something new this year. It’s called embracing where I am. Very enlightening, no? This post might at first sound like I am merely coping with where I am and simply accepting that which I cannot change. Which would be only slightly true.
But really, this year? I’m kind of okay with it. All of it.
What did I do today? I woke up to a sink full of dishes, laundry to be washed and two bed-headed children. It was a lot like a normal day, but in some ways it wasn’t.
God has been reminding me of the nature and truth of seasons as of late. Reminding me that you need all four seasons to make a year. That when one season comes and brings its bounty, something else has to give and pull away. Sometimes just a little, other times a lot.
All of life is change and growth, movements and currents. And the life more fulfilled finds the meaning and joy in each season’s gifts, and continues to have hope even in their darkest moments. A life worth living is one that gives way to the ebbs and flows of time.
Heck, as I write this, my child is stirring within me. It will be her time to turn 30 one day. And don’t I want that for her? For all of my children? Thirty and beyond! But for that to happen, I have to get a lot older, don’t I? Part of getting to watch them grow with the passing of time is letting myself also grow with the passing of time. It’s the nature of life.
Life doesn’t stay put, not even for a second.
The best that we can do? See it for its purpose and meaning and make peace with it. And with ourselves.
None of us is promised tomorrow. None of us is promised happiness. None of us is promised comfort. None of us is promised 30 candles on our birthday cake.
I used to hate seeing all of those candles lit up. A reminder of the things that I hadn’t succeeded in or achieved. The scrap booking (!) The home projects (!!) College (barf!) The personal work (blogging.) It used to be a big bruise for me. Each candle a mental note of things left unfinished.
Now the way I see it, each candle means something good. As the years pass, I find more and more people to share my table with. I find more and more about my children and my husband to love. I find more and more reasons to profess with a glad heart that God is good. Each new candle means that I (Lord willing) get another chance to try the things I want to try. And hopefully, to end up experiencing the things I hadn’t thought I would.
We aren’t promised ease and comfort. But we are promised meaning. We are promised joy. We are promised hope. The life worth living is the life worth giving away, the life lived from the inside out.
So, that’s kind of why I’m not as worried as I used to be about turning 30. I’m not as anxious about the fact that my birthday cake looks like it could start a small house fire. Plus, I get cake…so there’s that.