While You Were Sleeping…

While you were sleeping…

I told myself that I was going to bed. That I would be turning off the computer, slipping on a pair of cotton socks and sliding into my bed. But I had to check on you both at least one more time. Somewhere along the way as time has progressed it has become a nighttime habit to check on you both, brother first and then sister once she came along, and see you stinkers off to bed at least one more time. Even though usually by this point you are fast asleep, unaware as the nighttime passes you by or of the noise the wind makes as it beats against the side of the house and the moon as it drifts across the sky. I’m just praying that you don’t notice the fire whistle should it go off in the middle of the night 13 times or at 6 tomorrow morning.

While you were sleeping…

Jerry, I took all of the matchbox cars out of your bed. Yes, all 13 that you took to bed, save for one. I left it and your Mac truck next to you. I figured since you were lying on your side as you slept, twisted in like a pretzel almost as if right before you fell asleep you were trying to make extra room for your dozen plus one cars, that you couldn’t possibly be comfortable. I put them on the pillow in your papasan chair. You’ll probably wake up and see them there and fuss for them, insistent that you were “playing with those,” even though it will be some ungodly hour for a Saturday morning. Your cup of water is at the end of your bed. I went ahead and re-tucked your sheets onto their respective corners.

While you were sleeping…

Clara, I came in to find you face down in your covers. I swear that you must know how nervous that makes me. So, as I do pretty much every night, I took you in my arms, flipped you back over and kissed your cheek more than once. I laid you on your back, your head on your pillow with your favorite flannel pillowcase. I covered your tiny pink face with your favorite flannel blanket and then an extra one because you just never know. I brushed your dark blonde wings of hair out of your face and back, then said goodnight one more time.

While you were sleeping…

I told you both one more time that I loved you. I studied your little faces, jaws hanging open, tiny closed eyes, lightly pinked cheeks. I brushed those cheeks for the millionth time today, convinced that neither of you could possibly get any bigger or any more perfect. I don’t know how you both change so much so quickly. I examine both of you so thoroughly each night after you go to sleep that I don’t know how these subtle changes creep up on me every day. I think to myself, standing over both of you, that you are the best things that I have ever done, the coolest people I have ever met. That I don’t know how, but I at least feel like I’m doing this one thing right in my life. Well, these two things right.

While you were sleeping…

I’ll shuffle into my room and finally climb into my bed. I’ll ignore the alarm clock, refusing to read the time flashing at me. Because, whatever. It will never be enough sleep for me, never enough rest and always something to do. I’ll run down the list of to-do’s for the next day. I’ll wonder what I’ll do with you both to keep you occupied. I’ll pray for you. Some of my very last thoughts will be of you as will some of my very first thoughts the next day as I hear you squeaking, “mommy!!” from your rooms. I’m sure that I’ll drag myself out of my bed eventually, prepared ready   whatever’d to do it all again. By the time I have coffee in me and you both have breakfast…well, all will be good. But for now, you’re both resting up, as little ones do. Readying themselves for the next day and all its wonders. Mommy will try to be amazing tomorrow. You both won’t have to try so hard at that. But you’ll make me feel like I’m amazing, indispensable and adored. I’ll take it.

Nite, kiddos.

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