The kids and I visited the library this past week. Jerry was excited since we hadn’t been in a while and because he really enjoys the library. Mommy wasn’t quite as excited because she needed to turn in books that were ridiculously late and pay a fine. Clara couldn’t really care one way or the other, she had graham crackers in hand and was strapped into her stroller, ready to go. Eventually, Clara needed a change and I needed to use the bathroom. It all seemed like something so simple and yet I always seems to underestimate how carefully I must tread to get even the simplest tasks accomplished. Between changing a one year old who just can’t seem to lay still, for reasons that I can only deduce as her intentionally wanting to be difficult, and a three-year old who wanted to unlock and open the stall door the exact moment mommy tried to relieve herself, things in my life can at times seem like a circus.
Now a days, even trying to use the loo is an adventure. A very grand one at times and at others times an aggravating one, but an adventure none the less. I wasn’t exactly happy that I was about to be nearly exposed at the county library, or by the fact that Clara eventually dissolved into a fussy mess. And I was especially unhappy because my three-year old decided to crawl under the door and ask from the other side, “what do you think of THIS mommy???” I don’t always have the words to describe what goes on about being a mom and I don’t know how to put into words what goes on during our long days together. An adventure? Yes. Interesting at times?? Yep. Aggravating at others? YES. Blissful? Why, yes. Very much so. Some folks climb mountains, I raise babies.
If it isn’t uncooperative children in the bathroom, it’s a one year old who decides to play in the toilet or a three-year old who defiantly smashes his cereal-bar in his hands and throws it around the kitchen. I find that I end up here on my blog writing more and more about them after the days that are the hardest. Writing about them and our (sometimes long) days together allows me to let go of the stress and let go of the worry while at the same time savoring our time together. Because no matter how hectic the day, no matter how much I want to write off my efforts from the day that has passed and no matter how much I want to stay mad or frustrated, by the end of a post I am overcome with how much I love my children. I am overcome with their goodness, with how much joy they add to my life and how much light they bring into my world.
This is a difficult thing to accept because I am most certainly a person who loves to pout.
Since the day that they were born, my children have never ceased to amaze me in news ways everyday and, unbeknownst to them, they have taught me more than anyone or anything else in my life ever has. They have schooled me in being more patient, more loving and more appreciative in my day-to-day life. They have toughened me up. They have taught me to be fearless. They have taught me how to mother, which I’m finding out also spills over into other areas of life over time in some very good ways. They have changed my life drastically, in the most wonderful ways…save for having yogurt sneezed all over me right before I head out the door. I don’t know what I would do without them.
I am thankful for them everyday. On some days more than others. But thankful none the less. Without my babies my life would be more dull, my world a lot less bright and my day-to-day life a lot less interesting. I’d feel naked without them. I’m still working on how to keep them little forever.
I’ll let you know how that goes.