I’ll just go ahead and say it. I’ve been a whiney baby lately. I’ve had some legitimately difficult days. To say my entire family has a lot going on would be an understatement. I have been a confusing mass of emotions. I have been in a relative fog. And my attitude on a whole has been rather poor, to boot. Which only makes this worse.
When can I stop?!
Will this all ever get easier?
I’ve been praying for God to do some restructuring. That I would be realigned, with my priorities in the right order. That I would have trust and not give way to anxiety. On a simpler level, that my words would be kind, and full if grace. That my attitude would be one of peace, steadiness and goodness. That I would pursue the greater picture, not just the moments and it’s agitation.
I have to say that God is good.
I haven’t arrived, no. But in a matter of just a week’s time, I feel like the fog has lifted. My heart feels different. It almost came to a point where I needed to decide if I believe IN what I say I believe. Do I believe that if you cast your anxieties before God, that He will bless you with a peace that passes all understanding? Or is there a caveat in my all of my prayers?
The other day as I was wiping down the counters in my kitchen and eating lunch, I thought, “When am I going to run out of steam? When will this peace, this joy, this mood pass?” and I began to worry. I began to worry within days after being renewed when I would sink again. When I would lose sight? Where and when would I mess up next? I don’t want to go back. I don’t want to stay here, I want to keep moving forward.
I’m reminded of Peter. Who stepped out of the boat. Who in his terror took note of the waves and the wind and began to sink. Who was literally walking on the sea with the king of kings in front of him and still had time to fear.
But when the disciples saw him
walking on the sea,
they were terrified and said
“It is a ghost!”
and they cried out in fear
But immediately Jesus spoke to them, saying,
“Take heart; it is I. Do not be afraid.”
And Peter answered him,
“Lord, if it is you,
command me to
come to you on the water.”
He said, “Come.
So Peter got out of the boat
and walked on the water
and came to Jesus.
But when he saw the wind,
he was afraid, and beginning to sink
he cried out, “Lord, save me.”
Jesus immediately reached out his hand and took hold of him,
saying to him, “O you of little faith,
why did you doubt?”
And when they got into the boat,
the wind ceased.
And those in the boat worshiped him, saying,
“Truly you are the Son of God.”
(Matthew 14:26-33 ESV)
I may not succeed but I will try to keep my eyes ahead. On my Jesus. I can walk easily knowing that He has done this before me, He has run this race before me. And He will not sink, He will keep me afloat.
With that said, here’s my week. Sometimes, it’s not epic. Most of the time it just is. So this week, while not quite perfect has been a good one. It was great. It just was. And it was a very good one. God has been good.
The children have been silly and happy.
Coffee with friends that has been pleasant and heartfelt.
The days have been warm, and pretty much perfect.
There have been surprises…
…in case you’re wondering, those are bright red hives all over my sweet girl.
She wasn’t happy, so mommy wasn’t happy.
Thankfully, there was no danger. Just worry. I’ll take danger over worry.
Good moments with daddy.
Plenty of moments where I felt and loved it all.
The warmth of the sun. The smell of a kitchen filled with cooking food.
Babies soft just out of the bath. Making Rob laugh.
Praying that you have a wonderful weekend. Nothing epic. That it just is.
“These things I have spoken to you,
so that in Me you may have peace.
In the world you have tribulation, but take courage;
I have overcome the world.” John 16:33