Dear Clara (this is late)

Dear Clara, 

You’re one!!! I know that this is where parents will typically say things about how they just can’t believe that their child is another year older. Well, it really is true, I can’t believe that you’re  one already. Let me explain why. You see, Clara, mommy had some pretty tough times with you. Times when it felt like days and hours and even minutes did nothing but drag on. Mommy felt defeated and like she didn’t know what she was doing (rest assured, I didn’t) and felt hopeless. We had some tricky nights with you. Nights that turned into tricky weeks and then tricky months. But it’s all OK. Now at least. It’s ok NOW. 

I am so proud of you. It is hard being little. It is hard learning how to do things for the first time. Don’t ever let someone make you feel like as a child or a teenager that your angst doesn’t matter. Growing up is sometimes tough. But you have people who are here to love you and help you learn and grow. I must say that one thing that was clear to me from the very beginning is that you are going to be someone who wants to do things on her own terms and in her own timing. This is both a good thing and a bad thing. The bad first. Someone who is so driven that their way is right all of the time sets themselves up for failure, discontentment and discouragement. Those people get it in their head that their way is always right they always seem to find themselves disappointed in the end.

I want to pass on to you this simple thought: sometimes, others know will know best. And sometimes, you will be wrong. And you must always be willing to say that you are sorry, to accept responsibility and to learn to understand and convey humility. Humility is something that is honored and revered by the Father. He honors those who are meek in their hearts. But you should never confuse humility with weakness. And never mistake a haughty and cocky spirit for wisdom or know-how. Knowing when you’re wrong, knowing when to trust others and knowing when to cast your burdens on your Heavenly Father is a gift. Don’t chase your own tail, don’t run in circles. Stop and remember who loves you best. Remember that sweet words and loving action will in the end get you so much further. 

There is so much to be found when you can get past yourself. There is so much to be had when you let your guard down, when you trust. There is nothing wrong with trusting in wisdom. Nothing wrong with transparency and honesty. I pray that you will always find the humor, joy and meaning in all that you do. Remember that your current perspective isn’t the only one. That our heavenly father can see time in fullness, our lives from beginning to end. We aren’t always meant to or going to understand. This is where faith steps in. 

In case you’re not someone who insists on being difficult every step of the way – my apologies. This is all preemptive. 🙂

The good parts. I admire you already. There are times I wish that I had said no or changed course. I pray that where I stumbled you will walk soundly. I pray that you will walk soundly because you know that you were made and are loved by an infinite and mighty creator. And that it is His love and His view of you that matters most. All others come second. I pray that you will accept your fate, no matter what it is, with a joyful heart. Be it marriage, be it motherhood, be it missions, whatever it is that comes your way. Accept it. God knows you best, He knows when the time will come for what. Society knows squat. Read that again, SOCIETY KNOWS SQUAT. You do you, Clara. Don’t do what you want at the expense and pain of others, but you do what you feel is right in your own heart, between you and your maker. The road that is narrow and less often traveled by, where the way is harder and the path more unsure is worth it. Take it from me. 

I love you. I’m proud that you’re mine. I’ll claim you regardless of the fact that you just can’t eat a meal without getting food on yourself. I’ll claim you regardless of the fact that you scream when you don’t get your way. I’ll claim you regardless of the fact that you didn’t sleep for nearly 4 months. Yep, I guess you’re mine. 

Love you, 

Momma

 

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