Today was the day. Today was the day that I was sure I was going to pull my hair out. I’ve had days in the past where I have considered it. My conclusion being that maybe, just maybe, the searing pain would be a great distraction from the chaos around me. Today, I really thought I just might do it.
It’s the little things sometimes, isn’t it? Have you ever heard that expression? You most likely have. Typically, it speaks of the joy you find when the tiny things line up for you just right. Today, it was kind of the opposite for me. It was the tiny things that were driving me CRAZY.
It was my toddler who for the life of him, and all that is good, just couldn’t stop arguing with anything and everything today. And it was also my toddler running upstairs and waking up my 1 year old from her nap (WHY?) It was my 1 year old who fought and resisted eating the food I knew she wanted and knew she would whine for later. It was ruining the tuna I made for lunch by putting in too much mayonnaise. It was trying to pack up mine and the children’s lunches to make it out the door, but every bag I found to pack it in had a hole in it. It was that I needed to make 5 (or 6 or 7) trips between the car and the house trying to remember and collect everything I needed to spend only 2 hours out of the house.
It is the little things, the “nothings” that sometimes drive me nuts. Dropping my lunch on the floor. Spilling my drink. Stubbing my toe. Dogs that bark and startle me. It’s picking up the same magnets time and time again that ALWAYS fall off of the fridge when I close it. The bananas that are now stinky and somewhat mushy in my fruit bowl. The conversation I was TRYING to have on the phone with a friend earlier when my children decided to have yelling fits. It’s also because those rotten children stopped yelling, literally, the moment I gave up and hung up from my phone call. Those are the kinds of things that cause me to loose my patience far quicker than almost anything. Sometimes, when there is something (or someone) tangible to be angry with and to direct my frustration or attention to I do better. It’s when there isn’t anyone to be angry or annoyed with that I don’t know what to do with myself. That I sometimes even loose perspective. I will let the fly that is buzzing around the kitchen get to me so quickly.
I don’t want to be this way. Not at all. To get so caught up in myself. To listen to myself, instead of talking to myself. I long for steadiness, goodness and patience. I’M WORKING ON IT, FOLKS.
I will say though, that there were a few things to stood out to me today. Little things.
Remembering to wash my husband’s work shirts for tomorrow (and how tickled he will be that I did.) Seeing that the sandbox didn’t get covered last night, and taking note that even with all of the looming clouds in the sky and that it was spitting rain this morning, it thankfully didn’t rain. Having a son that is getting better at saying “I love you” back to me. Banana pudding. Banana pudding with vanilla wafers. Everybody Loves Raymond while two babies sleep soundly. The thought that I, too, may have a few minutes to grab a nap myself.
Sometimes, it isn’t the big stuff that breaks us. It can be the weeds that we let grow up and choke us. And they will grow up so fast if we aren’t careful. Pruning and cleaning is a daily task. Much like sanctification and refinement. It is daily, even momentary, whether we realize it or not. Every moment is a chance to be resolved or defeated. No pressure, right? Perfect patience sounds great, eh? Like I said, I’m working on it. I want that perfect patience for my own. I want to be a mother who pours out patience and love to and for her children. That is my goal. To honor God with what I say, think and feel. And through that bless my family and those around me. We can’t forget that minister to our family and those we know and love as much as we minister to strangers. In fact, in my case, I see my family way more often than I see strangers. They are who will be on the receiving end of all that I project the vast majority of the time.
Like I said, I’M WORKING ON IT.
1 Timothy 1:16
But I received mercy for this reason, that in me, as the foremost,
Jesus Christ might display his perfect patience
as an example to those who were to believe in him for eternal life.