Letter to Friends (without Littles)

Dear Friend,

I’m sorry this has taken so long. This is considerably overdue (almost 3 years late, by my count.) I wanted to take a second to clarify and poke fun at a few things. These are things close to my heart that I should have written to you sooner. Maybe even before my little ones arrived. But seeing as how we probably all didn’t know what we were in for, hind sight most certainly is 20-20.

I know that now that I have children my life seems encompassing only of them. I’m seemingly not as available as I used to be and it appears like I don’t have much to talk or think about other than them. I want to say that I’m sorry. I’m sorry if it has ever seemed like I don’t understand, empathize or care about what you’re going through anymore. I’m sorry if it only seems like I’m consumed with what is going on in my home and nothing else. I’m sorry if you have ever felt written off.  I’m sorry if it ever looks like I wave a banner that celebrates that having children is the end all be all of woman hood or personhood and that if you aren’t a member of the “club” you simply don’t measure up.

But let me assure you that this is not the case. Though there may be times that I will offer up to much information on soiled diapers, breast feeding and even poop in the bathtub let me assure you that I truly am concerned with and interested in details of what is going on with your life. I promise that even though I will bore you with the exact moment in time that my child decided she liked mushed carrots that I still care very much about what you have to say. I might forget it often but I do realize and remember that there is more to life. You see, it is hard to not become consumed with being a mother. That’s because it isn’t a 9-5 job. It is even more than a 24/7 job. It is a connection deeper than almost any other than I have felt before. The nature of which isn’t surpassed by very much in the world. And so once you combine the feelings that you have towards your children, plus the diligence that you have to have every day to take care of them it can become engrossing. But I know that the sun will still rise and still set regardless of whether or not my child bumps their head on the coffee table. I get it.

I just want to remind you that when you’re wondering who you will spend your Friday night at the movies with or your Tuesday afternoon grabbing a bite to eat with that even though you think that I may not want to come out or am indisposed to (PLEASE) give me a ring anyway. Sometimes the stars align, children fall asleep, daddy is home and I can hit the road. Other times I’m not so lucky. But knowing that you’re thinking of me still means the world to me. I may love my children but I assure you that I still enjoy movies and a great deli sandwich. And I can even more assuredly say that I would love your company most of all. Besides almost any adult conversation at this point, the good times that are had with a friend are incomparable. It might not be as thrilling as riding around at 2 a.m. in the morning through St. Michaels or Smirnoff and Swiss Cake Rolls (ouch) at all hours of the night but it still is a darned good time.

I want to remind you of something else, too. I’m glad to have my children. They’re a journey that I pray that you too get to enjoy some day. But, don’t ever let anything or anyone make you feel like your current lot in life isn’t good enough. You are where you are for a reason. Singleness. Dating. Engaged. Married. Where ever you are is where you’re meant to be. And there are great points and rough points to any season in life. Be content in your lot. I can promise you that you don’t want someone else’s lot. Allow things to happen in their own time, they will when they’re ready. This includes dating, marriage and babies among other things. Plus, as someone who can firmly say that it would never have really been OK if someone else’s child dumped Sprite down the front of her but it’s OK when her children do it let me also say that it will be different when your children do things like that because they’ll be just that -your’s.

I hope that this clarifies a few things. I hope that this was enjoyable. And I hope that you take this as sincere. You are my friend. I love you. I may not speak to you but a few times on the phone each month and may see you less often than that. But you are my friend. I will always be your friend.

And plus, I may need someone to stop at the store to get me diapers if I run out. So I want to make sure we’re cool, ok?  (with a wink and a smile)

Love,

Ash

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One thought on “Letter to Friends (without Littles)

  1. Valerie says:

    You have captured the true feelings of so many mothers out there! And you know, I think that’s one reason I enjoy WordPress so much – because there IS more to me than just mommy-ness. I like talking about other things and going places and reading, etc. I LOVE motherhood, but I still care for other things too (aren’t we lucky that we can enjoy so MANY things at once?!) Great post.

    Like

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