What a week!
After Clara decided to get sick (again, this month) Jerry decided to get sick (again, this month.) And then, after they seemed to be feeling hunky dory, Rob decided to get sick. Then, wouldn’t you know it, JERRY GOT SICK AGAIN. After a series of rather stern and serious discussions with all of three of them, they all appear to to be on the mend and also informed me that they plan on not being sick again anytime soon. Oh, and that they will clean up any and all messes that they make including dirty dishes, toys and clothes. They also told me that I can book a luxury vacation for one sometime this spring and can plan on having an entire week to myself in a place where I can be pampered and eat fruit while I’m being fanned with peacock feathers.
Truth is, no one say or think to loudly that my family is now all feeling better (FINALLY) because then the germs will hear you. And if they hear you, they will come. This week has been bland and menial to say the very least. I feel as though I have done nothing but scramble in order to accomplish a teensy amount of ANYTHING every day. And I’ve felt this way for going on a month now. With at least one, and at times two, sick persons in the house I’ve wanted to pull my hair out. No matter where I look, someone has been unhappy or out of sorts and lots of things have been put on the back burner. By “lots of things” I mean daily house maintenance. Laundry. Dishes. Mopping. I haven’t been swimming in messes but it has all been enough that every time I look around, there are things to be done. It has been enough to drive me nuts.
Things have been pretty business like and are being run on “survival mode” around here. Until now. I don’t know about you, but there are days, even when everyone is feeling well enough, that I stare blankly at my kids and ponder the things that need to be done. And after feeling overwhelmed or not knowing what to do with myself OR THEM I just jump into trying to get everything done just good enough without giving it much thought. I let myself get caught up in trying to accomplish everything that “needs” to be accomplished and forget to pause, take a breath and enjoy my day. Yea, remember those posts from a while back about being at peace with a messy house while being content that my children are happy? That hasn’t been my spirit lately.
I’m caught a crossfire. I feel like my days could on all accounts be more productive and meaningful but I haven’t struck a meaningful balance yet after being home for NEARLY A YEAR. I emphasize that because I realized just the other day that it has been almost 12 months since I stopped working and I’ve been wondering where the time has gone. People told me that they thought I would be bored when I started saying at home. I’m wondering when exactly that is going to kick in. There is always something to be done, someone to take care of and a day that isn’t going to make itself.
Yes, a crossfire. I’m caught in the tensions of wanting to accomplish lots and lots and be a blessing for my family but at the same time I want to be a mom woman who takes advantage of and appreciates each moment that she has. Sounds simple, no? I’m someone who operates most comfortable under the guise of boundaries. Which now that I’m home full time and running a household brimming with busy little ones and lots of tasks, it falls upon ME to do the boundary setting. The OTHER Problem is with me is that I’m not very self disciplined. SO, what we have here ladies and gents is someone who appreciates modest boundaries and schedules to conform to…who also likes to stop, enjoy the little things and have flexibility….and who doesn’t know where to begin with setting up something that has some semblance of a routine.
This is all something that I’m working on. But I do know this, and have to preach this to myself often and perhaps you do too. I must guard my heart. I must be sure that what is in my heart, and what will inevitably pour out to those around me, is refreshing. Is sweet. Is life-giving, loving and patient. Ladies, if you want to do the very best for your children, to be the best for your children and lead by example you must guard your hearts. We can make as many peanut butter and jelly sandwiches as we want, fold as many pairs of pants as we want (who really wants to do that, honestly?) and coddle them as much as they will allow us, but if our hearts and spirits are not filled with wisdom, love and understanding that only comes from God we have nothing to offer them. If our hearts are not in love with God, we are doing a great disservice to our families.
My son (daughter), be attentive to my words;
incline your ear to my sayings.
21 Let them not escape from your sight;
keep them within your heart.
22 For they are life to those who find them,
and healing to all their flesh.
23 Keep your heart with all vigilance,
for from it flow the springs of life.
So…what now? I’m not sure. First things first for me is that I’m going to be working on getting up earlier. No, I’m not crazy. While I love relishing every spare and quiet moment in bed each morning before starting my day, waking up with my children has proven to be way to difficult. I’m not alert or aware enough to start handling Jerry’s demands for cartoons and bananas or to listen to Clara whimper (scream) when I try to put her down to make breakfast. I’ve decided that were I to get up even an hour earlier I would be much happier, much more prepared and ready for the day. Shoot me now. We will see how this goes.
Second is to stay on top of the menial tasks that I tend to get very behind on very fast. It sounds like a simple solution but no, it isn’t. Laundry is the task that I’m worst at around there here parts. So I’ve set a reminder on my phone and plan on folding and *gulp* putting away at least one load a day. Shoot me now.
Lastly, gym time. While pounding out the peddles on an elliptical for 45 minutes isn’t actually appealing, time to work hard and have to myself while doing something healthy is actually quite pleasant once I get going. Plus, I haven’t been the most pleased with my appearance the past few months and I still have a few months before summer to strive for some improvements. We’ll see how this all goes….
That is my story and I’m sticking to it. OK, not story, my PLAN and I’m sticking to it. I better at least stick with the third one because these Easter peanut butter eggs aren’t going to eat themselves. And since that is the case, there will be lots of calories to burn.
Talk at you later.