He is a sly one, he is. Why, might you ask? As if you had any DOUBT that I wasn’t going to tell you. We ran out of milk earlier this evening and I volunteered myself to go and get more from the Royal Farms about ten minutes up the road. Robert was sitting there in his chair looking so cute in his Super Mario Brothers pajama pants; he batted his eye lashes and asked me if when I ran to get milk if I could also let Alice out before bed. Alice is Robert’s father’s dog and we are taking care of her for the next week or so while his parents are out of town. She is absolutely adorable. She must be, because she is the first living creature that Jerry has ever asked for by name.
“How was your nap, Jerry?”
“Play wifff, A-wice??”
Anyway, I agreed, because he batted his eye lashes and is just so darn cute (yea, he really didn’t bat his eye lashes, but that doesn’t matter.) I decided to let Alice out on my way to Royal Farms instead of on the way back. The first thing that I noticed when I arrive at his parent’s house is that there aren’t any outside lights on which stinks because I’m afraid of the dark. Yes, I know, I’m a big chicken. I’m not a fan of not seeing what is coming at me, and in a moment you’ll see why. I made it inside of the house alive, and FINALLY coaxed Alice out of her kennel and FINALLY got the back door open that was giving me grief and thought I could breathe a sigh of relief because my chore was almost complete.
…And then I saw it. The REASON my husband must have sent me over to his parent’s house, in the dark at night.
YEA. Did you feel your insides retreat just a little? Did your toes curl?? DID YOUR WHOLE SOUL RETRACT??? That was hanging off of the right side of the back porch and BOY did that one give me a shock when I saw it’s SHADOW scurrying back up into the dark. The above picture isn’t one that I took. Oh no, I’m not stupid enough to get close to it. Not that I had a choice about the getting close part because it was RIGHT. BY. THE. BACK. DOOR. *BAM* right there. She was hanging in her web off of the flood light. Lying in wait or just hanging there, we’ll never know and it doesn’t matter.
But wait…if I didn’t take the picture, then where did it come from? GLAD YOU ASKED. And if you didn’t, I bet you’re wishing that you hadn’t. And if you really didn’t ask, to bad. I’m going to tell you anyway.
My husband dearest took that picture earlier today and FORGOT to send it to me. I know – how convenient. Then he probably spent the entire evening dumping out the milk in secret so as to make me have to run to the store to get more where by as I would HAVE to stop at his parent’s house and HOPEFULLY, just MAYBE the spider would get me and he would be free of me! Me and my burping, messy and sassy mouth self. To bad for him, I made it out alive and back inside without spider eggs all over me. I looked back just in time to see the spider attack a gnat that had flown into her web *shudders* and I’m pretty sure that she waved goodbye to me before she dove into her feast. The best part was that after I made it inside and I called him to let him know about the creature hanging outside, he calmly asks, “oh, did she get you?” As if any phone call I would have made after a spider like that had touched me would involve reasoning, level headed thinking and a calm,” yea, she got me. But I’m OK. I’ll get you that milk now and hurry home to rub your feet!!” It’s OK. My husband really is a total babe and I’m sure would have fended off a spider for me. Probably after he taunted me with it in his hand, but he’d still get rid of it.
On a side note, my wonderful neighbor has given me an amazing bread recipe that she has been using lately. She probably gave it to me to keep me from eating all of the fresh bread that she has been making. It won’t work, I’ll still come a knocking. It probably isn’t a great idea to pull a fresh loaf of carbs out of the oven at 9:30 at night, but oh well. I had been waiting all evening for it to be ready and boy, let me tell you…
it was absolutely worth the wait. I’m glad I survived the spider to enjoy it!