I don’t know where to begin. Honestly. I know that I need to get this out there and I want to do it in the right way, but when I’m trying to write this, I find myself at a loss for words. It really isn’t a very big deal, no pun intended. To me, it is. The rest of you, not so much. I feel like I sound like what may be the sentiments of a large population of the female population. I’m not happy with the way I look.
I’m not seeking compliments or expecting anyone to be able to convince me otherwise. I know that I’m not happy and I haven’t been happy in quite some time with my physical appearance and abilities. When I was in college, I was fit as a fiddle. I was also a little to much on the thin side, but I figured I would fill out. I did. Just…I feel like I kept filling out. I was 5’9″ and around 120 pounds or so. That is a little bit TO thin. I don’t want to go back to being that size. I would like to wake up one day and be able to run the way I used to be able to, bike the way I used to be able to, to endure physical activity the way I used to be able to. I know, I know. I’m living with the past breathing down my neck and now I have an entirely new set of responsibilities and a huge lack of time, if you haven’t gathered that.
This is the beginning. The beginning of what will hopefully be TONS of Mom in Motion posts. Rob has put air in the bike’s tires, I’m filling up the water bottle and I’m trying to get off of my arse and DO SOMETHING with myself. Do I plan on being able to fit into the jeans I wore in college, heavens no. Do I think that after two cesareans my stomach is going to lay as completely flat as it once did…*sigh* no. What I would like to see happen is me pull these posts back up in 6 months and be able to say that I’m not where I started, that I’m a little further on the journey of being where I want to be and in disciplining myself to make this a reality for myself. I’m not a disciplined person. I give up easily. I’d like to think that this time that won’t be the case.
I was able to get time to bike two miles this morning and it felt great. It was hard but well worth it. I pray that God would have me guard my time and be diligent with this new endeavor. I’m going to share as much as I can with this because it is hard and perhaps me sharing will encourage others to do the same for themselves. And maybe folks will agree and realize that it is hard, but one of my favorite quotes is “there are no shortcuts to anyplace worth going.”
I’ll drink to that. Water, I’ll drink water to that.